Chuck Norris and Don Draper

  1. Chuck Norris can drink you under the table. Don Draper can drink the table.
  2. When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris. Don Draper never falls.
  3. Chuck Norris always knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Don Draper told him.
  4. It took Chuck Norris only 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes. Don Draper was done after 5.
  5. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. Don Draper resents bubbles.
  6. The sqaure root of Chuck Norris is pain. Don Draper smokes mathematics.
  7. Chuck Norris uses plywood as toilet paper. Don Draper uses Chuck Norris.
  8. Chuck Norris let the dogs out. Don Draper asked him to walk them.
  9. Chuck Norris walked during the running of the bulls. The bulls were running from Don Draper.
  10. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack, his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him. Don Draper requires no heart to live.
  11. Chuck Norris crossed the road, no one ever dared questioned why. Don Draper was already having Scotch on the other side.
  12. Chuck Norris shops for groceries at Home Depot. Don Draper is a man, only a woman shops.
  13. Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven. Don Draper made an escalator.
  14. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Don Draper can sneeze with his eyes.
  15. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Don Draper can lead water to the horse and drink both
  16. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Don Draper made him.
  17. The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends." They were Don Draper's apostles.
  18. Chuck Norris can smell what the Rock is cooking. The Rock is cooking dinner for Don Draper.
  19. If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Don Draper now has ten dollars.
  20. Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter. He was lighting Don Draper's cigarette.
  21. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris. They are both hanging off Don Draper.
  22. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. That's all Don Draper will give him.
  23. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. Don Draper's ad made him believe.
  24. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. When Don Draper talks womens' panties drop.
  25. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. The only purpose of glaciers are to chill Don Draper's scotch.
  26. 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year. 182,001 Americans are conceived from Don Draper "accidents" each year.
  27. Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out -- buying Don Draper cigarettes and scotch.
  28. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. Don Draper sleeps with any woman he wants.
  29. Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. Because he politely asked Don Draper to dispose of his cigarette properly.
  30. Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. It's Don Draper.
  31. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken. When Don Draper wants eggs a woman cooks them for him.
  32. Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel. Don Draper's favorite cereal is Cigarettes 'N' Scotch.
  33. Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed. Don Draper doesn't care as long as its covered with scotch.
  34. Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can. Don Draper doesn't own a can opener, because scotch only comes in bottles.
  35. Chuck Norris is "The best a man can get." Don Draper is the best a woman has ever had.

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